An ode to the online supermarket
I
Every week it’s a job to be done
But avoid the supermarket, if you’re looking for fun.
You’ll need champagne and shampoo; lentils and utensils;
printers and jams, colouring books and pencils.
II
It’s deals and specials and all kinds of offers,
It’s the food you love that won’t break the coffers.
It’s cheese for Jerry and fish for Thomas,
And value guaranteed by our Low Price Promise.
III
For every shop should be a shop for all,
From the biggest brand to festival stall.
For babies and toddlers: dummies and smarties,
It’s shopping designed for Explorers and Safaris.
IV
It’s mustards and must-haves, pork chops and chopping boards,
It’s avoiding the rush, the tills and the hordes.
It’s everything you need for a clean kitchen and shirt,
It’s groceries and more that won’t cost the earth.
V
It’s onions and bulbs and pitta and rye,
The brands you love, and have been meaning to try.
It’s Monday to Sunday direct to your door,
It’s playing with the kids, while we do the chore.
VI
It’s one-hour delivery slots and freshness guaranteed,
It’s everyday shopping without a stampede.
It’s fresh cucumber, without a cumbersome queue,
It’s the UK’s best delivery service, as voted by you.
VII
It’s mushrooms and living rooms, and everything for grooming,
It’s avoiding the crowds, the queues and the fuming.
It’s cheddar and Stilton and Parmesan shaved,
It’s the shopping all done and two hours saved.
VIII
For your gin and tonics, lemon and lime,
It’s shopping done well, minus the time.
Raspberries, strawberries, the cherry on top,
Your time is more fruitful, when you know where to shop.
IX
All things to all people, for we all need to shop,
It’s Friday night’s treat and Tuesday night’s chop.
It’s sunglasses and gloves, sun cream and ice scrapers,
A chemist and newsagent, with vapours and papers.
X
It’s jars and pouches and boxes of veg,
It’s a doll for Jane and a teddy for Reg.
It’s fruit and veg and nappies and pumps,
It’s essentials for mums, for babies and bumps.
XI
It’s cotton balls and buds, and socks to be blessed,
It’s us doing the hard work, while you get some rest.
It’s cream and wipes and everything you need,
It’s us doing the shopping while you do the feed.
XII
It’s your weekly shopping and service with a smile,
It’s shopping while you work, or watch Jeremy Kyle.
It’s Spanish hams and the freshest avocado,
The food you love is easier at Ocado.
XIII
It’s cider made from apples and schnapps made from peach,
Ordered in the kitchen, or garden, or sitting on the beach.
It’s everything for your fridge, your cupboard and table,
It’s freshly cut meat with your name on the label.
XIV
Famous for quality, service, and award-winning apps,
Delivering your muffins and crumpets, bread rolls and baps.
It’s freshly ground spices and ginger by the roots,
It’s oregano on the go and your thyme when it suits.
XV
It’s an American Shop, for the 4TH of July,
And homemade favourites; like a massive pork pie.
It’s a dedicated French Shop, full of pastry and cheese,
And polite van drivers who say Merci and please.
XVI
It’s beetroot en route and parfait on the way,
It’s groceries delivered, anytime of day.
It’s fresh ingredients and a ready-made sandwich
It’s quality service in anyone’s language.
XVII
It’s printers and jams and honey and combs,
It’s kitchens and livings rooms, houses and homes.
We’ll wipe our feet and send you a text,
We’re shopping designed for generation next.
XVIII
It’s strollers for toddlers and Walkers for teens,
It’s weekly essentials: tomatoes and beans.
It’s bananas and apples, apricots and plums,
It’s shopping invented for families and mums.
XIX
It’s fridge essentials and a cheeky Walnut Whip,
It’s bathroom accessories: a brush and a clip.
It’s a gift for a loved one or a friend of a friend,
It’s always front-of-queue, never the end.
XX
It’s all things nice like and sugar and spice,
And tarragon and turmeric for pasta and rice.
It’s heat for your kitchen, delivered to your table,
Spices of the world and Ocado’s own-label.
XXI
It’s service with extras: the arms and legs,
The freshest of gingers and nuttiest of megs.
It’s loaves and cloves, Star Buys and Star Anise,
It’s a teddy for your nephew and a doll for your niece.
XXII
It’s basil without fault and thyme without delay,
Delivered to your door at any time of day.
It’s nuts and ginger fit for a prince,
It’s service never bettered, before or since.
XXIII
A touch of ginger and a sprinkle of thyme,
And your secret ingredient, a twist of lime.
It can get a little spicy stuck in a queue,
Have the flavours you love, delivered to you.
XXIV
It’s brain food and fast food and coffee while you cram,
It’s Tuesday night’s pasta and Sunday’s roast lamb.
It’s everything for your fridge, your cupboard and brain,
Delivered to your door in sunshine or rain.
XXV
It’s a Low Price Promise and freshness guaranteed,
It’s baked beans and pasta and everything you need.
It’s fresher way to shop, from first year to master,
It’s shopping delivered, much better and faster.
XXVI
It’s weekly essentials and Friday night’s treat,
And a glass of wine for new friends you’ll meet.
It’s your shelf on the fridge and the cupboard for all,
The groceries you need, direct to your hall.
XXVII
Delivered to your mansion, your semi or flat,
It’s treats for your husband, your kids and your cat.
It’s Queen cakes and Kingsmill direct to your castle,
It’s your shopping all done with none of the hassle.
XXVIII
There’s game and games for you to discover,
For sports fans, port fans and gifts for your lover.
It’s all your shopping, delivered just right
Direct to your table, with sweetness and light.
